happiness - andreamorrison.co.uk

The Art of Expecting the Unexpected!

Added on April 5, 2018

I had been looking forward to last weekend as my husband and I were going out with some old friends, I’d planned what I was going to wear, we’d booked the restaurant and we were going to see a band too. The only thing that we hadn’t planned for was my daughter throwing up 5 minutes before we were due to leave!

The old me would have thrown my hands up inside, told myself how I could never look forward to something without something going wrong, how things never work out and after having cared for my daughter and sorted her out, I would have been desperately disappointed and wondered what on earth I had done for my evening out to be ruined in such a way.

Now I am a firm believer that the art of expectation should have a government health warning in that it can affect your levels of anxiety, happiness, artificially raising your stress levels and therefore ultimately damage your health!

I used to be a great one for looking forward to something, I would plan what would expect to happen in my head to the last detail, this would often leave me desperately disappointed when my expectations weren’t met. Over the years, I trained myself not to look forward to things, as it was pointless, I would only be disappointed as nothing in my life worked out. It was part of the story that I told myself that had contributed to my, then, miserable life.

That’s the thing with expectation, we create, with our thinking, a fictitious world, that feels very real, one that we believe we should be living. We then compare the life that we have with it and feel like we have been short changed. However, what we often fail to spot is that it is simply a trick of our mind, a trick that makes us feel unhappy. We don’t know that a different life would be better and nor can we know the one that is to come (I’ve certainly not mastered the art of fortune telling) yet we get sucked into believing that we can.

However, there is one thing that we can always be certain of, one thing that is always within our control, and that is how we feel. I know that I have a choice, I can enjoy something in the future or I can dread it, I can be happy or I can be grumpy. It’s my choice how I view my life if you like, what glasses I view life through. I know that if I focus on all the negative then I will see more negative stuff, if I focus on the positive I will see more positive (it’s like seeing an ant in your garden and the more you look the more you see, and then you realise that you have a whole nest of them!)

So now I allow events, occasions, my work, whatever, to pan out in the way that it is meant to, knowing that I have little control over many eventualities, but that I know that I will be ok, and that I will enjoy it. I know that when I live in ‘reality’ I am at my best, I am at my happiest and that is what I was created for, not to live in a made up fantasy world of what I think I ‘should’ have. So on Saturday faced with a very poorly little girl, I declared a very special girls night in, my going out clothes quickly swapped for pyjamas, fluffy blankets were grabbed and films chosen. We battened down the hatches and whilst one of us was very poorly, it was a lovely evening, where I reflected on how privileged I was to be a mum of such amazing children, that whatever I thought was going to happen, I was meant to be where I was, and that there would be many other nights to come where I could do other things.

love

Andrea x

p.s. Join my Free Seize Your Life community on Facebook for weekly Live Videos, blogs and other snippets of wisdom here.

Spring into the Spring New Year!

Added on April 5, 2018

Finally the snow has cleared and the Beast from the East has gone West! Today for the first time I noticed the crocuses in my garden had finally pushed their way through and the last of the snow had finally melted away.

I love this time of year, it’s like the world is finally awakening from its slumber, Spring is definitely now on it’s way. I love the change from Winter to Spring, it’s such a contrast, and especially with last week and our final reminder of what Winter can bring. Whereas Winter is associated with the natural world around us either sleeping or dying, it’s so cold that we don’t want to do anything at all; Spring is all about regrowth, rebirth, the natural world coming alive once more. For me at least, it is the start of a New Year, a new cycle of life.

For me it seems that many areas of our life often reflect the cycle of the seasons in this way – from the Springly excitement of a new start to the Summer like enjoyment, followed by a Autumnal slowing down and then finally a dying off in Winter. But there is a distinct certainty in that with every Winter there follows a Spring and a chance for a fresh new start.

As Spring approaches it always seems like a great opportunity to reflect on our own lives and our direction, with the opportunity of a new start, a new beginning. However, for many who come to me for coaching bring with them the question what is my next step? What is it I should do? Often there may be lots of ideas, or inspirations about what our next step could be but is it really something that we should make reality or are we simply daydreaming? Or some may simply feel stuck and not know what if anything is best.

It’s as if Spring has woken them up to the possibility that life could be played out differently if only they knew how, but with that comes a sense of dissatisfaction and frustration as if there is something wrong with the life they currently have but don’t know what to do. There may be a sense of lacking, of missing out or even a feeling of being defeated. They come finding the answer to what they should do next to find that deeper sense of fulfilment that their current life fails to give them.

Of course it isn’t for me to advise them what decision they need to make, but merely be a like a lighthouse to guide them away from the choppy, uncertain waters of their thinking to a place that is calmer where our thinking settles. It is only in this place that we can connect with our wisdom, aka our gut feeling or intuition. Have you ever had that gut feeling that something was right or wrong? What happened when you talked yourself out of it? It’s interesting when I ask this question that the answer is almost always a resounding ‘awful’ or ‘terrible!’ It’s like we all have a sense when we know whether a decision is right or wrong for us, but we tend to ignore it! When we do listen to it, often it invigorates us, excites us, we feel naturally fulfilled and happy and more importantly the decisions we make are better ones for us. Imagine what the start of your new Spring year would be like if you felt naturally fulfilled and happy and more importantly knew what decision you needed to make; whether that be an exciting new start or enjoy your current journey invigorated with a sense of certainty so that you may enjoy the year ahead.

with love

Andrea x

p.s. Join my Free Seize Your Life community on Facebook for weekly Live Videos, blogs and other snippets of wisdom here.

Is it confidence or less self doubt that you are after?

Added on March 4, 2018

One of the questions that I get asked a lot is how can i feel more confident about myself, how can I have more self belief, how do I get more confidence? More often than not, it crops up because there is something that we want to do, something that we want to achieve but we feel that we need confidence to do it, to achieve it and those that do achieve it must have bucketfuls of it!

It’s such a shame that I can’t bottle it, or that we can’t buy it in a well known supermarket, I’m sure if we could, it would fly off the shelves and be an enormous hit! Buy the stark reality is that it isn’t a thing at all, it’s simply our thinking that morphs it into a thing, but this is good news because it gives us an impactful insight into what confidence really is, and more importantly what it isn’t.

The truth is that confidence is something that we have, we do it, or rather it’s self doubt that we are, in reality, doing. Often we start from a place of confidence and hope, and like it or not, our default is actually to be confident. But then the doubts flood in, the ‘what ifs’, the ‘this won’t work’, the ‘I’ve tried this before’ or ‘I’ll just get it wrong again’ and it’s this doubtful thinking that actually deflates us and gives the illusion that we’re not confident, that we don’t have confidence. So it’s not that we aren’t confident beings it’s that we are rather good at doing lots of doubtful thinking that we believe to be true!

Often when I unpick this doubtful thinking with clients, we discover that it often falls into three broad areas, that when we realise what it is, it becomes easier to let it go.

The first is trying to predict what is going to happen in the future, I’m sure you’ve tried this, when you’ve said ‘it won’t work’ or ‘I won’t be any good’ we all do it from time to time, we run scared of a failure that hasn’t happened yet and nor do we know that it will. In many ways it’s a safety mechanism that we have, except it isn’t a terribly accurate guide of what is going to happen!

The second is accepting what others say as an absolute universal truth of our ability. The teacher who made a passing comment, a grumpy friend who told you what they thought or maybe a concerned parent! It doesn’t seem to matter how long ago it was, we are able to remember these comments with complete accuracy and repeat them to ourselves over and over again! However, the reality is that these comments are often made in the heat of the moment, not intended to have such a lasting impact and the real truth is that the person is no longer in the room with you saying that comment, it’s simply us repeating it and we have the choice to accept it or reject it.

The third, and equally impactful is our fear of what others will think, we spend an inordinate amount of energy worrying about what others may or may not think, guessing the criticism that they may level at us. The reality is of course that we can’t possibly read their minds, and not only that, even if we asked would they tell us the truth? And if they did, that would only be their thought in that moment, a thought that may well change as their perspective changes.

There may well be others but ultimately, the bottom line is that so often our thinking simply doesn’t know about the reality that we are in, it’s simply some scary, doubtful, story and when we recognise it’s like we press a reset button and we go back to feeling ok, that quietly confident, hopeful person that we know we are.

with love

Andrea x

p.s. Join my Free Seize Your Life community on Facebook for weekly Live Videos, blogs and other snippets of wisdom here.

Do you wish you could turn back time?

Added on February 1, 2018

This weekend I was speaking at a conference, nothing unusual there apart from it required me to travel to Perth! I quite like travelling and the run up to the north is one of my favourites as I absolutely adore the Northumberland coastline.

On my way home, I reflected on how I had tested a number of seats in my carriage to ensure I had the right view and how so many would miss the glorious scenery as they’d sat on the wrong side or not by a window, I wondered that how in life we always have a choice as to how to view things, but I wasn’t expecting to have to put this theory to the test

As I sat pondering I went to glance at my watch, the watch my husband had bought me nearly 16 years before for my birthday, the year after I had been called to the Bar, the watch he’d paid for in instalments because it was so expensive, the watch I always wore. You can imagine my horror when I found that my wrist was empty. It had gone!

My head flooded with panic, where had I seen it last? I mentally worked my way backwards through my morning. My heart sank as I realised the last time I saw it, it was on my nightstand at my hotel. I must have left it there. Again panic of what to do started to fill my head along with a large dose of self recrimination, how could I be so stupid, why did I not check the room! If only I could literally turn the clock back and repeat those last few minutes.

But of course we can’t do that, we have to deal with the moment that is in front of us and in that moment I thought something very special to me had now been lost.

I felt hopeless, like there was nothing I could do about it, but there was something that was in my control my perspective about how I felt. Just like choosing which window of the train to look out of.

I initially allowed myself to feel incredibly sad about what had happened but the bottom line was that it was just a watch; I was safe, my family was safe there was no catastrophic disaster. My thoughts then turned to whoever may now have my watch and wished them well, I hoped they would enjoy it as much as I did; maybe their need was greater than my own, I considered it my gift to them.

By the time my train pulled into York, I felt a sense of peace about what had happened. Whilst I was sad over what I had lost, I had a different perspective. I reflected on how in a previous life I would have replayed these events over and over in my mind chastising myself for being so careless and even remembering more evidence in my past to support the belief that I couldn’t be trusted with such things! An exercise that not only would have ruined my memory of a lovely weekend, but also my evening and days to come as well. But I’ve learned that looking out of that window does not make for a good view and those intrusive, negative, critical thoughts know very little about my ability, my carefulness, what it means to lose something precious or indeed what impact it has on the future; they are simply horrible, rubbishy thoughts that are no help or use at all.

By allowing those thoughts to pass and focusing on more peaceful, rational ones, I had allowed myself to naturally reset, I was able to spend a lovely evening with my family and plan, and look forward to, my week ahead and as I unpacked my bag that evening, feeling that although something a little sad had happened, we were very blessed, you can imagine my surprise when at the bottom of my bag, I found my lost watch!

with love

Andrea x

p.s. Join my Free Seize Your Life community on Facebook for weekly Live Videos, blogs and other snippets of wisdom here.

Fight the Fear and Get Your Smear!

Added on January 25, 2018

This week is Cervical Cancer Prevention Week and I was really shocked to learn that the effect of the untimely death of Jade Goody is over and that cervical cancer tests have now reached an all time low.

Let’s face it ladies, getting a smear is probably the most unpleasant thing that we could have, it’s certainly not something that we talk about at the dinner table, and I apologise to any man who is reading this, as it’s probably not something that you want to read about either. But like anything, unless we talk about it, we can’t get out in the open what it is that is preventing us from having what could be a life saving test.

As a mindset coach you might think I would be the woman at the front of the queue to get her smear, but horrifyingly I put my own off for two years! Why? Well there were a whole host of reason, I had some symptoms I didn’t want to face (sadly I am no longer in my 20s) I was scared of what the outcome would be and I’d now put it off making it worse, the effect it would have on my life, so if I ignored it, it was like it wasn’t happening. I had also convinced myself the process would be difficult, I wouldn’t be able to get an appointment, I wouldn’t be able to negotiate an appropriate time, then there was the procedure, in my head I thought it would be hugely uncomfortable, extremely awkward, highly embarrassing and above all what would the nurse think, I mean I am now officially middle aged!

The fact of the matter was I’d made up a hugely scary story that would have made any movie writer proud. Whilst we may not categorise this ordinarily as a fear, that is what it is, a fear, a fear of the unknown, of ‘I don’t know what is going to happen, what the result is going to be, how will my life change’ and we mix that up with a whole sprinkling of scary stuff about what we think happened in the past and convince ourselves that this and far worse, is going to happen in the future!

I know that in the moment it seems real, all this scary thinking, but the truth is that it can’t possibly be true, because the future hasn’t happened yet. So we simply don’t know – unless of course you have the magical ability to read the future! Fortunately I did wake up to myself and do you know what happened? None of my thinking was accurate at all. From the receptionist to the results – nothing I had thought was true! The receptionist was understanding and helpful, found me an appointment at the right time, it took about 30 seconds (not the weeks of agonising phone calls that I had imagined). As for the test itself, again, it was quick, painless and passed before we’d even finished our conversation (in fact it took longer because we finished the conversation!). We forget that the nurses are so good at these tests that they aren’t phased at all and are extremely calm and reassuring. I was left wondering what all the fuss was about and why I had waiting so long!

Now if you are a guy reading this, you may wonder what you can do to encourage the women in your life to take the test and my advice is simple. To them, their fear is real, we create a future that seems so real that it is going to happen. All you can do is be understanding of this and encourage them to look for what they know is true and real; that none of us know what the future holds and the past does not necessarily dictate our future, which really is true for a lot of things in our lives.

I am passionate about women fighting their fear and getting their smear, so if you are at all worried contact me now to arrange a completely free consultation; you can contact me here.

with love

Andrea xx

p.s. Join my Free Seize Your Life community on Facebook for weekly Live Videos, blogs and other snippets of wisdom here.

8 common concerns about enrolling for the Seize Your Life Academy.

Added on January 20, 2018

Investing in personal development, your personal development, especially online is a pretty big decision. It almost feels that we are hardwired not to do it, it may feel indulgent, selfish, frivolous, but it’s not just the cost, we need to set aside the time, which is an investment in itself and this may take you away from other commitments such as your business, work, family or friends.

It is natural to worry about whether you are making the right decision in signing up for an online coaching programme, but as you will know if you’ve listened to my videos on my Seize Your Life group, whilst worry is a natural part of the human experience, none of us know what the outcome will be, and it may just be the best decision that you have made.

However, with that in mind, here are some of the more common concerns that I have conversations with prospective Academy ‘Adventurers’ about joining the Seize Your Life Academy.

If you are not familiar with the Seize Your Life Academy, it is a six week online programme, with live coaching from me in a private Seize Your Life Academy Facebook group (which you receive life time access to). In a nutshell it covers how you can live more exceptionally, living from the inside out so that you can achieve your goals, experience happiness, calmness, confidence, motivation and all that you need, enabling you to leave behind stress, anxiety, self doubt, worry, fear, low self esteem, frustration, lack of energy, lack of purpose, lack of balance, lack of self care or self investment.

It is delivered by me personally with weekly Masterclasses and also a weekly group coaching call so that you get the opportunity to be coached 121 by me.

Worry 1: ‘I don’t have time’

Some prospective Adventurers tell me that they don’t have time, they work full time, they have families, they run their own business, they work away, they simply don’t have time to engage.

My advice

The reason that you are reading this and that you are interested is that you know you want to make that change. As Einstein said doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity! You may be busy, but if you don’t start learning how to make the change now, how to you expect that change to happen? I know how hard it can seem to make the time and that’s why everything in the Academy so that if life does get in the way, it’s all there ready and waiting for when you are.

Worry 2: I’ve tried lots of strategy’s and tools but nothing works.

Often when clients come to me, it’s because they’ve tried ‘everything’ and they want to try a different way. The difficulty with strategies and the more ‘traditional’ approach is that it can become ‘whack-a-mole’ it deals with the ‘issue’ and either the issue comes back or the client creates (inadvertently) another issue.

My advice

The Academy is not a tool, or a strategy, it’s a course of fundamental understandings of how life works. It is based on my 121 Life FYT programme where I share with my clients these fundamental understandings so that you know exactly why we experience these negative feelings that get in our way so that you can reset quicker and easier.

Worry 3: I’m worried about looking stupid in the group

Some prospective Adventurers tell me that they are worried about looking stupid in the group, maybe they are embarrassed about the way that they feel and feel that they would be the only ones that feel like this, that they will be the ‘worst’ in the group, there are many reasons why people feel that they would feel stupid.

My advice

If you feel like this, it’s exactly the reason why you need to enrol in The Academy! Typically newly enrolled Adventurers are full of worry and concern about their ability and are excellent at criticising themselves or putting themselves down. It’s also one of the reasons that I love working with groups because very soon you will realise that you are not the only one, and amongst a group of very supportive friends.

Worry 4: I’ve been like this for so long I’m not going to change now

Often prospective Adventurers and clients have concerns that they have felt like this for such a long time that it’s going to be impossible for them to change now.

My advice

This goes to the heart of why I created the Academy in the first place. By the end of the Academy you will understand that you have an innate wellbeing, a self righting mechanism that means that you can access happiness, calmness, motivation, confidence and all that you need, whenever you need it. We are all a work in progress and I can’t guarantee that you will know this at a deep level after just 6 weeks (which is why you have life time access) but what I will promise you is that you won’t be able to ‘unknow’ this which means that you have every reason to be hopeful that you can change your life.

Worry 5: How do I know that it works? There is so much ‘coaching guff’ on Facebook, why is this different?

Some prospective Adventurers are concerned as to whether it will work for them or not? How do they know that they aren’t wasting their time or their money?

My advice

The honest response to this is that I don’t know if it’s going to work for you. If you don’t want it to work, or you don’t want to understand, it’s far less likely that you will be able to make the changes that you want to make. Personal development is a very personal thing, and it’s quite common for previous clients to not want to share their experience and in that way my work is not like a brand of tanning oil or a holiday! However this is what Emma had to say and I am so grateful to her that she agreed for me to share her experience.

‘It has completely surpassed my expectations. I originally signed up out of excitement from the description, not really thinking through the timing or how easy it would be for me to attend the sessions. When the timetable came out I was wondering whether I’d wasted my money as I could make very few of the cafes or coaching session times due to work / child care. I was also a bit sceptical of the coaching by Skype in a group environment- I found my coaching session really really useful and have had some VERY productive conversations since. I’ve caught up with 5 of the 6 cafe sessions and listened to some of the other coaching calls afterwards. They are fantastic, really helped to clear my thinking. The whole thing is fab and I’d totally recommend it to anyone- excellent value for money too xx’

Worry 6: I’d rather wait until I can afford 121 sessions

Often prospective Adventurers will say to me that they would prefer to work with me on a 121 basis. Obviously working with me on a 121 is a fantastic way to deepen your understanding and make profound changes to your life. However, what often happens is that Adventurers really want to work on a 121 basis with me, but they are not really in the position to do so; so what happens is that they do nothing.

My advice

If this describes you, then The Academy is perfect for you. You will have six hours of weekly teaching from me, the same general teaching that you receive from me when I coach you on a 121, so it’s a great first step for you. You will also have the opportunity to be coached with me on a 121 during the group coaching calls, and the group calls are such a learning experience as we learn so much from each other. Look at it as working towards your goal of 121! It means that when you are in a position to work on a 121 with me you will have done the preparation work so that you can really maximise the benefit of working 121.

Worry 7: No one will have the same problem as me

Sometime prospective Adventurers worry that they need to have the same problem as the other members of the group, and if they have a different problem, it won’t work

My advice

At the moment it seems as though it is really important that you have people that have the same problem as you and I really understand that because I’ve been there, however, you’re going to have to trust me on this, but what I will share with you is problem neutral; in other words it doesn’t matter what your issue is the Academy will give you a deeper understanding of why you are experiencing what you are experiencing. But as with everything, if you are concerned drop me a message and I’ll double check that you are good to go.

Worry 8: Can I pay in a different way?

Occasionally Adventurers will ask me if they can pay a different way. It may be that they’ve not heard of GoCardless, or that they’d rather pay upfront or in more instalments.

My advice

Of course! I would hate for something as simple as needing a different payment option to prevent you from starting your new Adventure, so if this is you, message me right now and we’ll talk about what payment option would suit you.

It is true GoCardless is not as well known as Paypal, but it is a UK based company (which makes it easier to solve any issues if there are any and they are great) also it is authorised by the Financial Conduct Authority, ISO27001 certified, and all payments protected under the Direct Debit Guarantee. I have been using them now for nearly 4 years and have been very impressed with them, which is why I use them in my business. You can find out more about them on their website www.GoCardless.com and actually if you do have any questions they are very good at responding to emails!

If you have now decided that the Seize Your Life Academy is for you CLICK HERE TO JOIN NOW!