happiness - andreamorrison.co.uk

How to get out of your own way more!

Added on November 14, 2017

One of the great things I love about the work that I do is helping people get out of their own way and it’s one of the questions that I get asked a lot is how do you do it? What do I mean by getting out of your own way? Well maybe you have an idea, a goal, an aspiration or dream but you never seem to get going with it or maybe you know that you need to look after yourself more, lose some weight, get fitter – but you just don’t do it, you make excuses or find yourself reaching for the biscuit tin and ignoring your gym bag! No one is physically stopping you from doing any of this stuff, you’re simply not doing it.

Now it may be that there are a whole host of reasons why you aren’t doing it, it could be that other things have come up that you think are more important, you may have talked yourself out of it for other reasons, it may be you don’t think you are important enough, someone else is a priority, or maybe you think that you’ll fail or worry about what other’s might think; but I can guarantee that there will be some thinking that you are doing which is stopping you from doing whatever it is that you want to do (even if you think it is a fact!).

In many ways it is a bit like a bungee rope, we have a great idea or something that we want to do and it feels like we could really achieve it, this is like stretching us out of our comfort zone into somewhere unknown and there’s the rub, because it’s unknown we then start to think about it and it’s this thinking that often pulls us right back into that comfortable space! Why do we do this? Well, we’re not scared of where we are, in fact we’re quite used to it, it’s very comfortable, it may not be where we want to be but at least we know it well, we’re safe, we know the outcome. We don’t know the outcome if we do something different now do we?

So how can you get out of your own way more often?

First of all, recognise that that is what you are doing, we all make excuses or blame other people, but in the vast majority of cases, it’s us, our thinking that is getting in our way. One question to ask yourself when you make up that excuse or reason for not doing it, is ‘do I know this to be absolutely true?’ quite often the answer will be no, and then you’ll know that it’s simply a story that you are telling yourself and you’re getting in your own way.

Secondly, when we realise that our thinking is simply a story that we are telling ourselves, it gives us a bit of distance from it, a space if you like. Ask yourself ‘what is it that I really want?’ If the story or excuse feels strong think about the consequence of believing that story and ask yourself ‘is this what I really want?’ Recognising that we do actually have a choice can be a very empowering thing!

Finally get curious! Think about what would happen if everything went according to plan. How good would that be? Remember none of us know what is going to happen in the future so if you are going to tell yourself a story it feels a lot better when we tell ourselves a positive one!

with love

p.s. Join my Free Seize Your Life community on Facebook for weekly Live Videos, blogs and other snippets of wisdom here.

Are you living a life less travelled?

Added on October 10, 2017

When I was growing up, we had two channels on TV that supplied us with news, the radio and the papers. We heard about the Miner’s strike, we saw public campaigns about the spread of Aids, but very little about Nelson Mandela, until a few years later; I remember the shooting of John Lennon, the Falklands war, but not four would be attackers being shot in a New York subway by Bernhard Goetz or countless other similar incidents. This week, I watched my kids become aware of the terrible atrocities in Las Vegas, discuss the awful stabbings in Marseille and the clashes that occurred in Catalonia. It struck me how small the world is for them but also how the news is now worldwide, graphic, up to the minute and in such huge quantity and detail it can be utterly terrifying and overwhelming, and in fact I was asked that very question ‘how can we prevent ourselves from being overwhelmed by global atrocities?’.

It really made me think, my natural instinct is to change my behaviour, be less adventurous, travel less, not put myself in any position that could potentially be risky but is that really the answer? It reminded me of when I travelled to South America and we were on a boat with two Americans sailing around the Galapagos, when they realised where we came from they expressed how much they would love to go to the UK but it was far too dangerous (the IRA had recently bombed the Arndale Centre in Manchester) that they daren’t. We asked them where they wanted to go and they said Scotland. To us this seemed ridiculous as Scotland was miles away, but to them the UK was a tiny Island compared to the States and so the risk to travel there was far too high. On reflection now, it seemed to me that in many ways the world can seem as though it is now the perceived size of the UK, that danger is happening on our doorstep and at any given moment our lives and those of whom we love are at risk. Our natural instinct is to survive, our brains are on the lookout to protect and preserve life and it is so easy to imagine what awful thing could happen next, could it be on the train that I am travelling on? The cafe where I am drinking coffee? Or the plaza where I am sat? Our understandable conclusion is to avoid them all, just in case, because then we are safe.

But to me that isn’t living, just like the couple who wouldn’t visit what is one of the most beautiful countries that I have seen, by scaring ourselves by ‘what if’ we will undoubtedly miss a beautiful life. So how do we stop being overwhelmed? Be safe, take the advice that keeps you safe, but don’t listen to your fears, your worries, or your ‘what ifs’ because sometimes their version of safe isn’t a life at all.

with love

Andrea x

p.s. Join my Free Seize Your Life community on Facebook for weekly Live Videos, blogs and other snippets of wisdom here.

Busting the Holiday blues the easy way!

Added on September 11, 2017

Today is the last day of August, tomorrow brings September, I have to say over the last week or so the nights have been drawing in and it is becoming clear that the Summer is now drawing to a close. As I’m writing this I must confess to have been suffering a little with the end of Summer holiday blues; that feeling that you just don’t want it to come to an end and wish that every day could be filled with lazy mornings, free from structure and that the day ahead is yours to fill in exactly the way you want to fill it!

For me this time of year is always a little like a double edged sword, in a positive way and not in a traditional sense, I may add. I think it’s all the years of being at school, college and then University when this time of year marked the beginning of a new start, a new term and in some ways a new journey. So whilst at this time of year there may be the end of the Summer, it always brought with it the fresh, exciting opportunity of a new start. It has a double quality to it, because the new ‘term’ in a way provided a marker in the sand, a time of year that I could reference and reflect on how far I had come, what I had achieved and what I had experienced. Together these two combined always provide for me a special kind of motivation of aspiration for the future with knowledge of the lessons of the past.

However, I am aware that for many this can be a tricky time, a time when there may be feelings that the Summer is over, that there is only the miserable Winter to look forward to, that months have been wasted and that the year is nearly done, what is the point of starting over again, when there is simply no time left. I find it fascinating how the same point in time can be approached in two completely different ways, one provides motivation, the other almost desperation and deflation so which is true, which is reality?

Well of course the simple answer is both and none! How we feel about the 31st August or the 1st of September is entirely up to us, the thoughts we have are merely like pieces of coloured paper that we use to make up a collage – we both may have the same picture to colour in but how it looks at the end will depend on the colours that we choose to use. The truth is that I don’t know how the year is going to pan out, so any thoughts that I have about it being a new start, or a fantastic opportunity or even that it’s too late are simply thoughts, they can’t tell me anything about the future at all or how late it really is. But what I do know is that if I feel calm, happy, energised and motivated and I engage more with the thinking that supports this rather than with those that take it away, the more likely it is that I will see opportunities, I will achieve more and I will enjoy the journey so much more!

p.s. Join my Free Seize Your Life community on Facebook for weekly Live Videos, blogs and other snippets of wisdom here.

How to add music to your ears!

Added on July 25, 2017

Every now and again it’s really nice to have a stroll down memory lane and this weekend we did just that. It’s my Husband’s birthday on Friday and we were struggling to know what to get him, my daughter had a fabulous idea, and suggested getting down all his ‘old vinyl’ and getting him a turntable. She’d done some research and even found one that she thought he would like. So that’s what we did. However, the buying of the turntable was the easy part as it also necessitated us going into the loft to retrieve said ‘old vinyl’ so that he could play them!

I found it quite really enjoyable rummaging through the loft with her as she was now of an age where she has a younger ‘childhood’ and we had kept quite a lot of their younger toys (well you never know if they may come in handy down the line!) so it was really lovely to see her reminiscing along with me as I had found things that had long since been forgotten.

After a while we found the box that we were looking for, and because we were all so excited none of us could wait until Friday to give him our gift so we dutifully wrapped it and gave it to him as soon as he returned from cricket!

Now I don’t know about you, but there is something about music that transports me almost immediately to a time and place, often a happy memory that makes me smile, a memory maybe rarely visited or completely forgotten. Saturday evening was no exception as we spent hours listening to music that we listened to whilst we were at University, music that was around before we were married over twenty years before, even listened to as teenagers, we remembered friends, places, and silly stories of things that had happened, it was like our own little time machine, a piece of our history that we were then sharing with our children, a time that they had not been part of!

This of course isn’t a new idea, we all remember things by using our senses, often these are referred to as triggers, when you hear, see, feel, taste or smell something it can have the effect of triggering a memory which often creates a feeling you may even find that some senses will be more dominant than others and that’s completely ok it’s always about finding out what works for you. This is often why having a good clear out can make you feel more energised because the things that we keep around us will have ‘triggers’ associated to them too, but more about that another time!

Sometimes knowing about triggers is one of those powerful tools that we have in our kit bag that we often overlook as being either overused or maybe out of date, but it’s usefulness never wanes. So whether you want to be transported in time so that you can reminisce happy memories with loved ones, or maybe you want to remember that motivated feeling that you get when you’re at the gym or maybe you just want to remember the memory of a summer holiday, never underestimate the power of a trigger, whether musical or not, can have.

with love

Andrea x

Giving the ‘should do’ the boot!

Added on July 11, 2017

On Saturday I made a very exciting purchase, I bought some new walking boots! I had been in need of them as I have been training for a 26 mile walk in aid of MacMillan in September and my old ones were rather well worn! But as often happens life gets in the way so I decided on Saturday morning that that was the day to buy the boots!

Now whilst, walking and feeling good have been well documented, you may be wondering what the buying of the boots has got to do with it and I have to confess I wasn’t expecting on finding a link either! I’d been researching and asking advice, as it had been a while since I had bought some boots and I wasn’t impressed that this purchase was to be a real investment – had they been beautiful Ted Baker or Paul Smith shoes I would have been super excited – spending it on walking boots was a less exciting prospect!

I weighed up all the places I could go and the most sensible choice was to go into York, again this didn’t fill me with excitement as Saturdays can be horribly busy and my excitement waned further when I arrived at the Park and Ride only to find that it was delayed due to roadworks and I realised it was race day to boot (no pun intended!)

Now before I had more of an understanding of how to experience life more to the full; this would have spiralled me into a crabby mood, I now couldn’t get to go somewhere I didn’t want to go to spend money I didn’t want to spend! Grrrr! The old me probably would have gone home defeated and grumpy much to the annoyance of my family!

But as my thoughts drifted towards this I started to get suspicious, this was a rare Saturday when I didn’t have the kids, the whole of York was my oyster, where would I love to go? It was only my thinking that was telling me that the day was a right off, it had in fact only just begun!

It struck me that I really wanted to go to the out of town shopping area near York, there was a new cafe that I wanted to try and I really fancied a child-free wander. It made no sense, I was sure I couldn’t get boots there but I was really drawn to it and perhaps I could get my friend a nice birthday gift too, which would be a bonus!

But then the doubting deliberation started – the should do thoughts, I should get boots, I should go into town, my mood started to slip down again.

Again suspicion kicked in, what did my thinking know about what I ‘should’ be doing? If there is any ‘should’ to be done, surely it ‘should’ be following the feeling of joy rather than the sinking feeling! It certainly would make me feel better.

So choosing to follow the feeling of joy, I drove to where I felt was right, it was busy but bizarrely a car parking space popped up straight in front of a sports shop, I kid you not! Now, I’d seen some boots on line here, that I fancied the look of but had been told that they didn’t stock them in store, but it wouldn’t hurt to look would it?

So I went in,

And there were the boots, in my size, half price!

And that’s why I LOVE living my life in the way we are intended to, and whilst this may be chalked up to a ‘coincidence’ I know that when I put that ‘feel good’ at the top of my agenda I seem to experience rather a lot of them and the feel good factor in my life definitely increases!

A penny for your thoughts…

Added on June 20, 2017

The other evening I was invited to speak at a ladies networking event, it’s something that I love to do from time to time and as this was the first time this event had had speakers I was more than happy to participate. After we’d all had a drink and a chat, we sat down for some introductions, however, there were over 30 of us in total so that took some time and this was then followed by another speaker who was before me. I would like you now to imagine the scene, a room full of women mostly over the age of 35, sat for a reasonable amount of time chatting and with water on table. You’ve guessed it, by the time it was my turn to speak I was desperate for the ladies! Now for me this is a no brainer, I was confident that a small comfort break wouldn’t be an issue, in fact it may well be welcome by many in the room – so a quiet word was made to the organiser, and with moments there was a small stampede led by me, to the ladies.

Now you might be thinking what has this got to do with feeling good (apart from the obvious!) well, what followed got me thinking. A number of ladies came up to me during the break and expressed how grateful they were for me saying something because they too were desperate to go, but didn’t want to say anything, cause a fuss or disrupt the evening.

I reflected on this for a moment and I wondered how many times do we not want to say or do something, we don’t want to put up our hands, or disrupt the status quo for fear of what others may think, or fear of the future or fear of getting it wrong even for something that we either believe in or that would make us feel better or live a better life? How many of you have had to sit in discomfort, unhappy or frustrated wishing that you had taken action when the opportunity arose? I find it really interesting, even with the smallest of things (like needing the toilet) how we can create a negative story about it, that holds us back from taking that step towards feeling better, from being embarrassed for being the only one, to causing a scene, to wondering what people would think; we create a whole world of make believe around us, when in fact, in reality, none of those things are true, our worst fears are rarely realised and often the exact opposite is true!

And how simply beautiful our lives would be if more and more we recognised when we were doing this and were able to take the action we needed, when we needed to take it, free from stories that create fear or worry, taking us closer to the things we wanted to achieve and the lives we wanted to create.

So the next time you feel the need to take action, but don’t, take a moment to observe the story that is holding you back and imagine a life where that story doesn’t exist and see how different it feels.

with love

Andrea x